FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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