when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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