im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
