Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
