no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
