And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
