I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
