So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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