Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
