Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
