i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
