Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
