Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
