Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize