I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize