I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A bitchslap is in order.
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