everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
