Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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