tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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