Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
