So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
