just tell him i said nine months
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize