There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
