Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
