The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
