At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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