If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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