well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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