Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pants are for mortals
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