Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
