I want to walk on stilts...naked
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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