Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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