Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
