I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
