please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize