My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
