What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
