You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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