what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
