Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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