we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
