Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pants are for mortals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
