tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He did a backflip because drugs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
