yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
