I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
