apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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