Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
