**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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