If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
