my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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