Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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