if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
