he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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