Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
