u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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