maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
