it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
