Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
