do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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