Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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