I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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