Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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