I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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