PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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